oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
