Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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