She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
