As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Found your dick twin last night
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
