fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Mom said you looked used
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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