My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sorry about my life...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
