I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
