Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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