I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
