im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
