guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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