uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize