So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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