So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
