I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
