New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
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The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
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I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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