This house was built for laser tag.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
