based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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