how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
