i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
