Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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