Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
