2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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