Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
this must be what syphilis tastes like
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
