I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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