Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
