If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
