That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
