My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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