I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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