P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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