I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just googled if crying burns calories
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
