Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
