Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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