I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my shit smells like andre
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
