Plan B is the new Plan A
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
