just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
