you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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