Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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