I wish I could punch you in the face.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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