I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
