I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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