I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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