im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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