The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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