god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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