Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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