He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
