Ambien. No doubt about it.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
