Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
