He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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