you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
