Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
