Umm I'm too high to move.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
