It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
