i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
