I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
