you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
