the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
