whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
